Jekyll and Hyde
- joanne899
- Jan 18, 2018
- 2 min read
Two very different personalities can somehow both reside in the same body. Sharing many physical characteristics and several of the same intentions, yet one is toxic. That’s a little insight to my new relationship with Cancer. It is a relationship of sorts as it is a part of me. Not only a part of me but it’s main residence (thankfully it’s only one so far) is right there before my very eyes. In fact strongly adhered to my left eye. I’m finding myself wasting minutes of my days playing ‘chase the light’ or ‘shift the horizon’ acknowledging that my sight, although better this week than last, is actually still really shit. I reflect back to my diagnosis and the hatred I felt towards the lava lamp lights in my sight- that time when curiosity and concern prior to diagnosis turned to hatred up until I started the treatment. That anger has strangely abated leaving a bizarre playground for mixed emotion. Predominately looking out of one or other of my eyes, as it’s too complicated to focus through both at the same time, I am actually aware that each individual outlook is different. I can’t say one is sunnier and or more positive, just different. It’s like having two paths to journey down yet both feet are still facing forward. Now for someone who has liked to take a modicum of control over their destination I’m in seriously uncharted waters here; surprised at my acceptance to their inability to provide an outcome, so grateful for all the times I’ve heard the affirmations that we are in ‘this moment, right now’ and nothing we have done or can do will change that. So there’s no point in me being angry is there? I am sad and a tad disgruntled and there are many tributaries leading from my waterway that hold many a demonic thought that I back paddle from. Those dark recesses do hold images of future events, happy ones and frightening ones, even the happy ones are frightening when I look at them with my OM eye as I’m not sure I’ll get to see them. But that’s the unknown paths of life that we all live.
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