Repatriation

Not as easy as it sounds. So I’ve been trying to repatriate myself into normal life. This period of time can only be known as ‘normal’ as it is the time between operations and the beginning of the next scanxiety session. So, what shall I do with this time I ask myself. I have a new prism filter on my left glasses lens to help alleviate some of the double vision, basically looking forward is now less nauseating. I have had some more diseased arthritic bone scraped from my knee and cartilage repaired so I am on the road to pain free walking on the left: ta dah! So why do I feel so low? Ah, ‘normal’ will actually never be normal again, that’s why. There’s an element of change, big change. My priorities have changed, my feelings have changed, I have changed. And I’m fully aware that everybody else’s lives haven’t- that’s why I’m struggling. There’s no quick fix for this one. Nothing was broken that required mending, I actually feel slightly entirely broken. In the hopes that having my little knee op would give me some time to sit and relax after the whirlwind since diagnosis I’ve come to realise that I’m not very good at relaxing right now as my mind toils. Note to self- do more Yoga! I’m enjoying keeping busy with the charity work I’m involved with. It can be quite a thankless task though sometimes as we’re trying to ask for peoples’ time and sponsorship for the OcuMel Gala fundraiser. I’m tired and my chirps feel like they’ve gone to ground. Probably best I don’t approach anyone over the phone during these feelings. Focus…..focus….focus….. come on. Having gone through ‘diaries’ with My husband, it did strike me that aside from medical appointments and the children’s extra curricular activities there’s a huge lack of plans. Unlike me, but I’m a little lost for words, and clearly lacking inspiration. Ok, I took a break from writing this and went and perched where I could feel the sun on my face just to kick myself that I’m alive and grateful for it! Ignoring the small issue of extreme brightness causing pain, I closed my eyes and could see the glow.