6 Months In

Royal wedding done! And I nearly survived- so very nearly. It felt amazing to be busy doing something that didn’t involve traipsing from one medical appointment to another, managing my team of make-up lovely’s across 4 locations/24 hours a day for nearly a week. Along my journey with Prince Harry and Meghan’s Wedding coverage I found myself ‘not’ being asked, or feeling expected to have to talk about my troubled health concerns. Back to making people feel good about themselves and instilling confidence in television debut persons who were themselves full of insecurities and nerves. My own feelings of being a different person now to the one pre diagnosis were very obvious to me, but probably not to anybody else. I feel privileged to have met some truly beautiful people whilst working last week, thank you- you know who you are. I must share this one moment that stood out though. Whilst making up 2 ladies, both myself and my colleague artist fell silent while we listened to their conversation about their own life changing events, including the shocking news of one of their fathers’ battles and subsequent passing through cancer and how it changed her. I felt compelled to speak out and share and I’m so pleased I did. I’m currently reading Jessica’s book, Purpose, whilst away with my family on our first holiday from this whirlwind that has been the last 6 months. Wow, 6 months. That’s crazy- I actually can’t comprehend the vast enormity of what’s happened and the consequences that one eye test has had. A few hours of counselling have helped me begin to come to terms with the me that is now. I’m struggling physically some days, which unfortunately I proved to myself and workmates at the end of wedding week by literally collapsing. Working with the troubled vision, the effects of the radiotherapy still taking their toll and the exhaustion created by my body’s natural defence fighting this blasted disease was a perfect storm for shutdown. And embarrassed as I was at the time, I can now look back and be proud of what I did achieve that week, not the 25 minutes before the end of my planned shift that I didn’t make it through. Scared and tearful I sat by the wheels of a large 4 x 4 parked outside the media tent where I’d been working, comforted by a dear friend and colleague who literally caught me. Dizzy with fear and exhaustion, three friends contacted my husband and managed my departure from Windsor with as much grace and dignity possible. For this I am grateful. The headaches and fatigue are worsening if I’m honest and I am slowly accepting that I have actually been through an awful lot these last 6 months. I’m now re discovering my new limits and promising myself that I will listen to the physical messages that get sent and not just ‘carry on regardless’ in true ‘Jo hero’ style.