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August Holiday

Well today, I fully capsized and righted a 5 man Bahia sailing boat with my crewmate of one day, a lady called Claire! In a force 3 gusty wind with a 1.5m choppy swell. This is Day 1 of the advanced sailing course.... and how proud of myself am I! Why does it take the diagnosis of an incurable cancer to create a bucket list. Surely as we all journey through life we should be completing and achieving the things we feel we would like to complete and achieve anyway. At least that way there would be no time restraints! Since my last set of ‘clear’ scan results, I seem to have found a slightly renewed energy although I’m still facing my nuclear PETct when I return to the U.K. Yippy; Joy, another waiting period will follow. Relentless but necessary. I’ve struggled over the last couple of months if I’m honest. After initial diagnosis there’s a kind of adrenaline fuelled whirlwind of disbelief and chaos, until about the 6 month anniversary mark when I started to feel a bit odd. Maybe describable as a ‘dog in a rescue home’ type of feeling. Lots of new surroundings, lots of new fellow, like for like people, all there for the same reason, the intrepid sights and sounds of new places and people being initially interested in your well being, your history, your ‘now’. And then........ everything is back to normal for everyone, except you; you realise that this ‘now’ is now normal. I’m not saying I feel caged, but there is a sense of freedom removal and a second wave of ‘what the f***!’ ‘where the hell!’ It’s a bit like it all happened to someone else for a while and you try and look over it and it plays like a bunch of badly edited video clips. Speaking of video clips, things are definitely progressing with the Gala preparations. All the interview footage is filmed now for the video, and half of it edited. The entertainment is nearly sorted and the order of events nearly set ready to print. I, with my 3 children, are returning home tomorrow from holidays, a week after Greg (bless him). It will be lovely to see him and all be together again, and the dog! But- I can’t explain how wonderful it has been to be here in Italy with some lovely people who know so little, or nothing, about me and my OM. Chatting about all kinds of things, experiences: sharing course chatter with my fellow sailing pals (I have today qualified and passed my level 2 RYA sailing certificate) Just being, yes being, Me. Not Me with Cancer. I’m awake tonight, hence writing, thinking about how and why and what I’ve enjoyed the most over the last two weeks. Lots of things, as I look back. Time away from home and work with Greg, eating lovely meals together, doing the beginners sailing course with him, falling off paddle boards with Alannah, capsizing my boat, watching Lucy and Daniel dancing and holding a crowd with their moves and playing with their holiday friends, spending time with each of them. Note to self, do more of this at home. There’s no reason why not to- in fact there’s every reason why to! Brilliant, a eureka moment, I’ve not only learned how to sail a dinghy boat, but I’ve given myself a fast lesson in ‘family’.  


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